Current Events

You ran an amazing campaign with the full support of the media and the desire to dispose of an unpopular president.

Now lets see what you can do with the Kos kids wanting you to give them what you promised.

I can’t help but think that as the NYT and CNN teams were reading this, they weren’t realizing it was mockery.

Also, can anyone else see a 22 year old Obama supporter asking all his friends why the reporter was writing that funny English?

via SDA

Five kids who were just added to the No Fly List. [via]

Is Obamaism considered a cult yet?

Canada is on the whole a gentler, softer and more liberal nation — but there is also less freedom, opportunity, prosperity, competition and dynamism. Canada is well-loved by other nations — but the country has little diplomatic or military clout.

From the WaPo Oops… Wash Times. [via]

Personally, I would rather have Obama than Jack! but only if he comes in third place like Jack! I like Obama because he brings out the Hope and Change in the left rather than the regular despair and complaining. Sorta.

The best 5 minutes of the US Congress in 2008.

[via]

Rewriting the news so it more accurately reflects life….

What CNN said is in the blockquotes. My rewrite of each section.

Britney Spears makes bizarre apology

Britney Spears is bizarre

Britney Spears apologized for attacking a photographer’s car with an umbrella in February, saying that at the time she was preparing to try out for a movie part and got carried away.

Britney Spears made herself look like her brain cell was on power saving mode when she tried to apologize for doing the KGB on a paparazzi’s car by saying she was only wanting to be an actress and she saw how being stupid worked for other people with no talent.

The incident took place during the same period in which she shaved her head, got new tattoos and was seen partying hard in Los Angeles clubs.

It was just one of a series of publicity mistakes brought on by alcohol and drug use.

“I apologize to the pap for a stunt that was done 4 months ago regarding an umbrella,” Spears said in a statement posted Wednesday on her Web site.

I haven’t been in the news for a few months so I’m going to bring up something stupid I did so the media will pay attention to me again.

“I was preparing my character for a roll (sic) in a movie where the husband never plays his part so they switch places accidentally. I take all my rolls very seriously and got a little carried away. Unfortunately I didn’t get the part.”

That speaks for itself but a line was missing from the end. It should read, “I take all my rolls very seriously and got a little carried away. Unfortunately I didn’t get the part because the movie people said they wanted people that knew how to act.”

Not long after the incident, Spears checked into rehab.

Years too late, Spears checked into rehab for the first time of many.

0 for 10.

WASHINGTON (AP) — A security guard at Walter Reed Army Medical Center opened fire at another guard Wednesday outside a busy entrance to the hospital, police said. No one was injured.

The guards had been arguing at about 8:30 a.m. when one of them fired as many as 10 shots, Lt. Jimmie Riley said.

The other guard, who was not hit, ran to a nearby house to call police, Riley said. The guard who fired the shots was taken into custody.

“We’re very fortunate,” Riley said. “It could’ve been tragic.” CNN.com

Throw the guard in jail and then fire him for not being able to hit what he was aiming at.

This one article has so many punchlines it should be on Comedy Central.

He said Hilton was being truthful when she told a judge she believed — incorrectly, it turned out — that “it was O.K. for her to drive under certain circumstances” under the terms.

According to her Hilton, she thought she could drive to and from work. Let’s see… what caused the police to pull her over?

Police said she was pulled over about 11 p.m. after authorities saw the car speeding with its headlights off.

What work would require the use of a car speeding with its headlights off after 11:00 PM? Is partying actually considered work to this induhvidual?

“It will actually increase her star appeal in a very sick and demented way,” said longtime publicist Michael Levine. “There’s a segment of our society that’s somehow engaged in the soap opera that is Paris Hilton, and this a very compelling plot line in the soap opera.”

OK, Paris, let’s see. Did you learn that you should listen to lawyers?

“I feel that I was treated unfairly and that the sentence is both cruel and unwarranted and I don’t deserve this,” she said as she left for a shopping trip with her mother.

Yep. She learned all right.

What is it with large public companies and accounting scandals. Now Dell, copying Apple, has been probing its financial statements citing “accounting errors, evidence of misconduct, and deficiencies in the financial control environment.”

Anyone ever heard of an audit?

Story over at News.com

Did the days spent directing, editing and releasing the Titanic finally cause James Cameron to go insane?

I knew boycotting the Titanic was a good idea.

Cameron will claim in a documentary on the Discovery Channel next month that Jesua is also known as Jesus – yes that one – and that this particular first century household is better know to Christians as “The Holy Family”.

This will be spectacular news as readers of the New Testament have tended to think that after rising from the dead, Jesus ascended to heaven where he is seated at the right hand of the father. The father in question being not Joseph, but God himself.

Equally shocking, at least to anyone who doesn’t buy their reading matter in airports, will be the news that Jesus fathered a son, when he was supposed to have spent his short life performing miracles, redeeming sinful mankind and generally fulfilling his divine mission.

But don’t worry, Cameron has the whole story well tied down.

Apparently the tomb was found 20 years ago, and it has taken this long to decipher the names and to confirm the identities using DNA analysis.

This timelag is just a blink of the eye in biblical terms, and is totally understandable given that Jesus was the son of God, and pinning down supreme beings to get a cheek swab is never easy.®